SXMElections.com

~ Foster parents needed ~

By Laura Bijnsdorp

A few months ago, I was sifting through the newspaper. Besides reading the humbling island news, humorous political twists and horrifying world events, I always take a bit of extra time sifting through the classifieds of properties I can't buy, horoscopes that I only believe if they are positive and the notices that promote sports, culture and foundations asking for participants and/or volunteers. One ad caught my eye: "Foster Parents Needed."

"Stichting Justitiele Instellingen St. Maarten (SJIS) is looking for foster parents: permanent foster parents, weekend/vacation foster parents and emergency/crisis foster parents. Volunteers (mentors and case-workers): to give assistance and guidance in the field of education and welfare to children in foster care, their biological parents, guardians and foster parents. Interested persons can call the Foster Families Centre at 542-3449 for an appointment and information about the upcoming workshops for foster parents and foster caregivers."

SJIS offers probation services and runs the Family Guardianship Department on the island. The foundation is currently subsidized by the Ministry of Justice.

I have wondered about adoption since I was a teenager. At first, this might've been motivated by a gruesome video in biology class. We were confronted by a non-censored up-close and personal childbirth video that made me want to avoid pregnancy at all costs. But eventually, the thoughts about adoption developed into the realization that not all children had parents – a thought I struggled with on various occasions. My parents have always been there for me. They encouraged me when I wanted to reach certain goals, helped me overcome certain obstacles or insecurities, held me when I was sad and, most importantly, made me feel safe and loved at all times. What would I do without them? How can there be children without parents or any support system?

YET, DESPITE THOSE musings, I had never really thought much about the foster-care system on the island. Sure, I heard news once in a while about foster homes such as the I-Can Foundation receiving donations, but that was about it. I had never really thought about how many kids were in the St. Maarten foster care system; why they ended up there; how they ended up there; and who took care of them. Unsettled and curious, I sent an email to SJIS and asked about their ad, and how I could help.

SJIS social worker Ramonda Hanze answered my email. There were various possibilities within the foundation: 1) Volunteers, 2) Mentors and 3) Short- and long-term foster parents.

Volunteers could offer their time sporadically, and a wide possibility of tasks for example just an hour here and there to do homework or play with the kids in the foster homes. Mentors would dedicate at least eight hours of their time a month, and be paired with one child in the foster care system to spend time with. Foster parents would bring the child into their home for 24 hours a day; this could range from doing this in emergencies, on weekends, for months, or for years, depending on the family's preference.

THE MENTORSHIP program spoke the most to me. I wasn't ready to be a parent to anyone, but spending eight hours a month with a child as a mentor, friend or sister of some sort was something I could do, and sounded like a great way to help.

To become a mentor or foster parent means you will spend time with the child alone; so you have to go through a special free STAP training provided by SJIS in cooperation with a therapist.

A FEW WEEKS after signing up; I walked into the conference room at the SJIS office. About 14 other women and one man between the ages of 16 and 65 were seated around me and we started the sessions. Aisheline Maduro, a psychologist with 18 years of experience, introduced herself. After we got acquainted, the bi-weekly two-hour sessions started; they were informative and useful but at times also upsetting and confronting.

We learned that there are 94 children at this time under protective measure and SJIS supervision. Some still live with family members; some see parents on the weekends; a few live with foster parents; and too many live in foster homes – some 60 kids in total are divided among three homes: I-Can, Home Outreach and New Start.

CHILDREN ARE placed under protective measure for various reasons. Sometimes a parent is willing but not capable due to financial reasons, being sick or disabled themselves, or of course passing away. Some parents have mental problems or drug addiction issues and are therefore not able to take care of their children. Sometimes, the parent is not willing or does not know how to properly take care of a child, leaving the child alone for long periods of time or not feeding the child properly for example. This neglect was common amongst many of the children. The most disturbing and heart-breaking reasons are of course the cases of abuse including verbal, sexual and physical.

The list of how this neglect and abuse can affect a person is extensive. Various emotional or psychological problems secondary to their abuse can develop, including anxiety disorders and various forms of depression. They may develop substance abuse disorders. If abuse has been very severe, the victim may be traumatised, and may develop a post-traumatic stress injury, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or acute stress disorder. If abuse has occurred from a very early age and has been substantial, a personality disorder may occur (such as borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders). Sex may be experienced as particularly undesirable, or physically or emotionally painful. Alternatively, sexual promiscuity may be observed with the increased risk of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy that such behaviour carries. It can result in poor self-esteem, which can lead to a lack of close and trusting relationships or to body image issues. Severe abuse can even lead the victim to contemplate suicide or carry out suicidal impulses.

MY HEART BROKE when Asheline looked at us and asked: "How do you teach a child what love is, if they have never experienced love?"

We talked about our own identity and how important identity is, what insecurities we have, how to overcome them and how to instil good self-image in others. We learned ways of how to discipline a child and how to reward them. We discussed our morals and values, and how we could go about teaching those same morals and values to our children; why it was so important to feel secure, safe and loved. We talked about the influence of our parents and what kind of parents we thought we should or could be.

LASTLY, WE talked about why that support system is so important. Without a support system, learning all those values and morals, developing a positive identity, feeling safe and secure are close to impossible for a child. That's why for the children who are denied this support system, we as a community need to provide it for them. During those sessions, I learned a lot, not just about the foster care system, parenting, childcare and psychology, but also about myself. In the end, 12 of us completed the course.

I also developed questions about SJIB and how the system worked and was able to sit down with SJIS acting director Cynthia van Samson-Filemon. She explained that every situation was different; but a situation would generally be handled like this: Any person within the community such as family members, teachers, neighbours, friends or the child itself, can contact the juvenile police or the Court of Guardianship to report that a child is in "danger." In all cases, the Court of Guardianship is contacted as the main authority on child protection on St. Maarten. If the child is in immediate danger, an out-of-home placement is submitted to the judge, and the child is removed from the home immediately and placed in a foster home or foster family. The task of the Court of Guardianship is to do an investigation and report its findings to the Judge in First Instance and request that the child be placed in protective care. The judge will decide if the child has to be placed under protective measure indeed and immediately appoint SJIS as the child's family- and/or legal-guardian. A protective measure usually takes a year.

"IT IS A challenging job, and though there are great improvements since 10-10-10 as subsidy for SJIS has grown, we still could do better. According to the official Dutch method, DELTA, which we are implementing in 2015, it is standard to have a maximum of about 17 children under the care of one social worker. With the increased subsidy, our numbers will be about 21 children to each social worker by February 2015. Not bad, but our social workers have a lot more on their plate than normal.

"St. Maarten has limited specialized facilities. Autistic children in Holland can be sent to a facility with people specifically trained to deal with them. But here, we don't have that. Sometimes it is really hard to find the right care catered to an individual child with these limits. Our social worker has to deal with an array of various problems and come up with creative solutions. We also work closely with Mental Health Foundation, Students Support Services Division and Social Welfare Department, who have a lot on their plate as well. Everyone does his or her best. Besides more staff and facilities, what is important is that the community gets more involved. If children do not receive proper care, how will they grow up to become productive individuals in our society? In an individual, there is often a link between childhood circumstances and crime."

More community involvement is definitely something that needs to happen. The current foster homes and families on the island seem to be heaven sent, because besides the goodness of their hearts, I don't see why else they would choose to get involved. Financial motivation is definitely not one of them; foster homes receive only NAf. 500 monthly per child, and foster families NAf. 225. With the island's high living expenses, uniforms, school fees, medical bills and more, that's not much. Of course, the Ministry of Justice and Court of Guardianship play their role and make arrangements to pay where needed for medical care and education; but again, island budget constraints seem to also place strain on the childcare within the foster care system.

IT IS CLEAR the foundation can use all the help it can get and is working hard to reach out to the community by improving its website, facebook page and flyers. Their goal is to have 40 foster parents registered June 2015 – a high number as the number is now only 14. They also want to have 94 mentors – one for each child under their care. With the staff's determination and passion and, hopefully, the community's response; it's a goal they will reach.

As pressed upon me multiple times by everyone I talked to, including the foundation's psychologist, social workers and acting director; as a volunteer, mentor or foster parent, you can positively influence a child's life. You can be that person the child can confide in, help them build back their trust, teach them to make good choices, improve their self-image and create a positive identity. You can literally change a child's life and future.

LAST WEEK, I had an appointment to meet the child I will be mentoring for the coming few months, maybe even years. She lives with about 20 other children at HOPE Outreach, a private home run by a Ms. Antonia Hodge, someone who I imagine has a lot of patience and a huge heart.

Together with Katinka Fransen, one of the foundation's social workers, I parked in front of the home. Five teenagers looked at us from the balcony and I could hear children playing behind the gate. As soon as the doors opened, I saw a group of 10 young children playing with a deflated ball, my hand was grabbed by four boys ages three to seven; they all wanted to show me the seeds they had been planting in soil. Excitedly, they ran around me, each vying for attention and full of stories.

KATINKA MOTIONED at me to go upstairs where teenagers were sitting, braiding each other's hair. She asked two girls of 14 and 15 years old to come sit with us so we could explain what we were doing there. I was "matched" with the 14-year old, an energetic young lady, who almost stumbled over her words as she talked about anything from her favourite colour to her school-troubles. According to Ms. Hodge, she has a big self-image problem, and was told in the past that she was unattractive and needed someone to help her understand that she was worthwhile. She was reading a book more appropriate for an eight year old, and from what I understood, her parents had been unable to send her to school. Yet she seemed very ambitious and obviously was enjoying the attention.

The 15-year old was quite a contrast – quiet and angry; she reluctantly answered any questions and seemed to be determined to be disinterested in anything we had to say. She looked defeated to me. Her intended mentor was unfortunately reassigned, and I fervently hoped for her that the foundation would find someone to spend time with her soon.

I MADE AN appointment with my mentee, telling her we'd go to the library for some new books and an ice cream to get to know each other. As we walked back to the gate, we lifted up the younger kids and spun them around a few times. A young girl waved us off asking: "Will you be back tomorrow?"

Whoever is reading, I HOPE you will think about signing up as a volunteer, mentor or foster parent with SJIS. Even an hour here and there is helpful. Just call 542-3457 or 5423468; email \n This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or go to www.sjis-sxm.org for more information.